rules regarding l*** (ewwww...)

i personally don't believe in l*** (if you don't know what the word is...it rhymes with dove and it deals with affection); however, here are some rules regarding that particular topic

1. you cannot fall in l*** in 2 min, 2 hrs, 2 days, or even 2 months. i don't care who you are and how "perfect" your significant other is...l*** takes time to develop. so if you come to me talkin about you're ready for marriage and you been dating a girl/guy for less than a year, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE (notice the capitalization to emphasize my anger).

2. on that particular topic, if you are over the age of 30, then you are excluded from rule no. 1. for ya'll time is of the essence (at least in terms of baby making). and if you're over 70, shit you can fall in l*** within minutes the pool of available partners has decreased dramatically by then.

3. you cannot turn a hoe into a housewife, no matter how hard you try. so, if you are in l*** (but more than likely its just lust, or just good sex, being a hoe allows you to fine tune your sexual skills. and if you're a hoe and you still suck in bed...damn thats tough) with a hoe, you have one of two ways to go about handling the situation. one, you can become a hoe as well, and ya'll can hoe around together happily ever after. or...two, you can live a miserable existence, knowing your significant parter is a hoe, sitting around and claiming him/her, being faithful to him/her, and attempting to ignore his/her natural hoishness. or you could just break up, which seems the easiest to me.

4. you cannot be in l*** with multiple people at the same time. don't sleep around then when shit hits the fan tell your friends "oh my i dunno wut to do i l*** both of em." no, the fuck you don't. you don't l*** either of them otherwise you wouldn't be sleeping with both/all of them at the same time. let's be real.

5. i don't care what anybody says, long distance relationships don't work. other than the psychological reasoning behind my theory (high proximity usually leads to greater attraction, its written in a psych book somewhere...) there's the sexual reasoning. if you gettin some every night, every other night, or even every week and all of a sudden it goes down to once a month, or once a season, you're gonna cheat. it is bound to happen. old people can handle long distance relationships because their sex drive decreases and extra young people can handle long distance relationships because they are virgins, or their partner was their first so they don't know any better. after a while you realize pussy is pussy and dick is dick so although the variables may change the basic equation remains p+d=yeaahhh...but i digress. either way a long distance relationship is essentially putting a breakup on layaway.

6. in response to the previous rule, if you are bound by contract (aka marriage) in a relationship, long distance can work. kinda. because most people will do extra to make a marriage work than any normal relationship; however, that number of people continues to decrease while divorce rates continue to increase. so this rule may be rendered useless within the next few years.

7. l*** may be rational, but those who are in l*** are not. it doesn't make sense to care for somebody to the extent that you do more for them than you would for yourself. that's why i don't believe in l***, im selfish. im tryna to make me happy, then i gotta make you happy too? thats alotta happiness i gotta find somewhere, and happiness itself is pretty devious (based on statitistics), but i digress. if you are in l***, understand you should put in more than you take out, otherwise its not really l***. because, like i said, you're not supposed to be rational.

8. actions speak louder than words. i could text about 150 females and tell them "i l*** you" right now without a care in the world. so if you claim to be in that emotional state, prove it to your significant other.

9. i l*** havin sex but id rather get some head (this doesnt apply to me personally, but for most dudes its true...and yes it does deal with l***, its the second word in the sentence).

10. thats all i can think of for right now, but as always whatever i say goes. if i break my own rules it doesnt matter, because im robert kinsey gotdamn.