so everybody (unless you are a truly unattractive individual...and thats hard to find i mean you gotta be a mix of beetlejuice the midget, the elephant man, and a gremlin, and you gotta have a fucked up attitude, and be broke as hell, and have a few diseases, and have some kind of mental disease...in which case you MIGHT be 100% unattractive) comes in contact with thirsty people. just to clarify what thirsty means i will give the definition (thanks urbandictionary) as well as a few examples.
Thirsty
1. Too eager to get something (especially play)
2. Desperate
examples
-the old man on the subway/metro/bus who comes and sits down next to you and proceeds to talk about how "these young folk don't know the game" or "he can take you wherever you wanna go (provided public transportation goes there)" or "he knows how to treat a woman and her body right" etc. etc.
-the old woman at church who is always talkin about how handsome you are and gives you extra long hugs that grow more uncomfortable by the second especially as the scent her old ass elizabeth taylor perfume begins to take over your nose making it difficult to breathe
-the old man at the club who should be at home watching matlock but is all decked out in an off white linen suit and some stacy adams thinking the harlem shake is still in style and tapping girls asses knowing they wont fight somebody thats one gucci song away from having a heartattack
-the middleaged man at the club with his old ass friends that thinks hes still got it and tries to pick up, hump, or just sexually assault in general any girl that dances within a 5 foot radius of him
-every que dawg (only at parties though; my roommate crossed last year and he was surprisingly picky with who he actually fucked)
-groupies (greek "sweethearts"...football "friends"...1st semester freshmen females...any girl that just gives you the "i wanna suck the foreskin off ur dick" stare everytime you talk to them...etc.)
-and many many more
now that we understand what thirst is, and what the signs are, i will give you a few rules on how to combat thirst yourself as well as how to deal with thirsty individuals...
1. always remain in control of your thirst. everybody can get a little parched sometimes, but you must not let the thirst affect your thought process. if a girl was ugly while you were gettin regular doses of cutty, she's still gonna be ugly even during a drought. if a dude is obviously a liar and a cheater while you had a boyfriend, he's still gonna be a sleazebag when you're single. just because things aren't coming as easily as before doesn't mean you should settle just to quench your thirst. its like when you're broke and you start using atlas condoms instead of trojan condoms...it doesn't seem like a big difference at that time but when you look back 5 months later when you got a set of twins on the way, you realize how much quality makes a difference.
2. if you decide your thirst is becoming outrageous, make moves but understand the consequences of your actions. if a groupie is jockin extra hard, and its been a while since u "made it do what it do," make sure you don't do anything stupid like wife the groupie up, or eat her out. you don't wanna be susceptible to diseases, and you definitely don't want any diseases in your mouth. use quality protection and put it on the way the little insert says in the box, not the "im jus ready to beat her back out ima throw this shit on" way. same applies to women...when dealin with a manwhore, don't give head, and make sure the dude straps up properly. for both sexes, if a girl or guy was below your standards when you weren't thirsty, they should still be below your standards. for this reason you should NOT enter into a long term relationship with a "droughtbuster." try to make sure he or she doesn't run his/her mouth bout yalls activities too.
3. dont take thirsty people seriously. if a dude comes at you like "i think your beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, intelligent, and everything i want in a woman" within seconds of meeting you, the thirst is obvious. if you fall for this trap, you deserve all the fucked up shit thats gonna happen to you in the future. same for males who fall for the "i only do this becuz ur special to me" shit from women they met days ago. if he says it to you within seconds, he's told other women that within seconds. if she offers to do it to you within minutes...you get where this is going. use your brain.
4. never use the words "i l*** you" to get some. no matter how bad your drought may be, this action reeks of bitchassness. don't do it. it goes against manlaw, the relationship code of ethics, the book of oprah...its just not acceptable.
5. don't send multiple people the same text, e-mail, letter, etc. telling them how much you're feeling them. just because its a drought doesn't mean you should let your "pimping" skills atrophy. use the extra time that you now have to develop and sharpen your skills to avoid future droughts. talk to yourself in the mirror, read some books and expand your vocabulary, get rid of your speech impediment, work more hours so you can buy better looking clothes, invest in the big packs of orbit they got at your local wal-mart, visit the dentist, go run around a track or at the park, lift some weights...all of these are viable alternatives to sitting around and telling a buncha people the same wack ass corny ass line.
6. opinions are mixed on how to deal with the onslaught of thirsty people that can approach you at anytime, anyplace, anywhere. i already covered how to properly interact with thirsty individuals when you yourself are a little parched as well. my personal approach is similar to that used in rule no. 2: use quality protection (i prefer the trojan magnums...i definitely dont trust durex or lifestyles), no long term relationships, and no givin head. however, should you receive head from a thirsty individual? that's a fantastic question and one i honestly can't answer. i don't but thats more of my personal preference than anything else. i guess i would say yes but be very careful...if you see too many bumps right around the lip area i wouldnt do it. theres a big difference between acne/razor bumps, and sores. but this is one rule thats kinda up in the air.
7. this is all i can think of at the moment. usually i would say something about how i can break my rules because im robert kinsey gotdamn...but in this case i can't even give myself some kind of exemption. if you see me breakin these, beat my ass.
3. on a related note, if a song mentions any of these “swag” terms, i will happily act an ass to it (ex. swag surfin). yes i am a hypocrite, but i can do that because my swag is the greatest in all the land.
4. on a semi-related note, feel free to come up with random ass words that are not in the dictionary…sometimes you have to be proactive. if some niggas are really actin like they just got off the plantation, its alright to call them coontastic…or sambolicious…or so forth. (this applies to all words, not just adjectives describing niggerish actions.)
5. if you don’t make sense in everyday conversation, why in the hell would you speak in public unless you wanna get laughed at. this phenomenon (as well as people who can’t sing but sing in public, or people who can’t dance but dance in public) has made it very difficult for me to keep a straight face at school, work, and even church. especially church. so for your own sake and for my salvation’s sake, just don’t do it.
6. i appreciate if somebody enjoys a word or phrase that i say, or how i say it. if you happen to repeat or mock me, i will laugh because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. but don’t use the same fuckin phrase all the fuckin time til i don’t even wanna say it anymore. that shit is annoying. everything is better in moderation (even sex).
7. if your voice is annoying…chill out on the talking tip. same goes for laughter…you can laugh just make it silent or something.
8. as always...even if i break my own rules it doesn't matter, because whatever i say goes. i'm robert kinsey gotdamn.